When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My dick has a subreddit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
