We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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