I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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