the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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