dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
