I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
