She announced her abortion via fbk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
