omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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