Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
