please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
