I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i would punch a child for taco bell
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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