Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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