My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize