lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
