yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
