Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
