forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
