Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
