just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
