Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
