At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
