I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
