sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
