The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
