I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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