i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you win again, gameday.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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