I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
