on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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