porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
