She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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