You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
