I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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