You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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