Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
