fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
