So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
