You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
