you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
