Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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