ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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