hotel room ftw
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
