I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have post one night stand depression
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
