I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
