He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
