the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
