I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
