You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize