drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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