worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
