Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
