it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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