I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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