I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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