I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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