She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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