Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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