Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
