Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it was like eating out sand paper
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
