The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
