Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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