Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
