I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
