Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
