Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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