Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize