My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
