So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
smell my finger.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
