why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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