We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
