I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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