I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
