I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
