make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
