dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
