Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
