This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
