Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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