Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
