its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
