people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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