Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
